Last night, I watched an interview with Ricky Gervais.
Something he said really struck a cord with me.
He said, "How arrogant are you to think that you deserve to go through life with no one ever saying anything that you don’t agree with or don’t like?"
I'm not convinced arrogance is the cause, but I see evidence of this nonetheless.
A few weeks ago, someone got upset with me stating "You have very strong opinions and I I think you should keep them to yourself."
My response; "What is your reason for your wanting me to keep my opinions to myself?"
Quite angrily, the person answered; "Because I don't agree with them and you could say something that could offend someone."
Here are a few home truths:
1. My, or anyone else's, strong opinions in no way prevent you from having equally strong, opposing opinions.
That's how we learn. We share our views and we talk about them. We poke, prod, and debate. That's how we form new opinions, challenge our beliefs, and expand our minds and our thinking. It's also how we build trusting relationships with other people. Consider the alternative: We dilute our opinions or keep quiet because we're worried that our views may upset someone else. How does that help us as humans, as a society, and as colleagues in the workplace? That will kill relationships, trust, and our ability to function as fellow human beings.
2. Offence is taken, not given.
Do people say uninformed things sometimes? Yes. Do people sometimes say things that are intended to get a rise out of you? Also yes. Do you have to react? No, you don't. Whether or not you take offence is entirely up to you. Instead of getting upset and/or angry, be curious and ask questions. Or walk away quietly and without drama, and let it go. When you take offence and get upset, you hand over the control of your emotions to someone else. When you listen, check your own reactions, and then get curious, you learn. You don't have to agree with the other person. You don't even have to like what they have to say. But there is always something to learn from an alternate perspective.
3. Your emotions are your responsibility.
The only person responsible for your emotional regulation and well-being is you. If you struggle to regulate your emotions, invest some time into learning how. It's not easy, but it is simple. Like most things, it takes practice. Emotional regulation releases you from emotional reactivity, taking offence, assuming bad intentions, shutting down, being walked all over and, quite frankly, a lifetime of uphill struggle and mental turmoil. It's worth the investment. Once you're confident with your ability to regulate your own emotions, you'll feel able to engage in debate, healthy conflict, sharing of differing opinions and perspectives, and you'll be perfectly able to establish healthy boundaries. You'll become a more rounded human being, a better life partner, and a fantastic employee or business owner.
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